Now although I’ve watched the movie What Women Want, it is still a mystery to me exactly what women look for when they make that big decision and pick their man for life. But if there is one thing Shiela didn’t marry me for it was my handyman skills.
A couple months ago Shiela and I cleaned up our basement and so now we can actually go down there and hang out if we wanted. But I wasn't satisfied with just that and I wanted to make it even better…so I decided to add a dimmer switch.
So I got started. First things first, I pulled out my handy dandy Home Depot Guide that helps people like me do regular handyman things around the house. I flipped the book open to the “How to install a dimmer switch” and began this very simple task. It looked very simple and according to the book a beginner should take 45 minutes to complete this task. I’m a beginner, I told myself, and I can’t see it taking longer than that. Besides, the book tells you how to do it and I also had the instructions from the dimmer switch.
I finally had everything ready to go. I had the book open, the instructions laid out, my tools laid out and I was ready to go. I had mentioned this idea to a few friends and they assured me that I wouldn’t need to turn off the power. Knowing how my friends are I did the opposite and flicked the breaker and saw the lights go out. I was ready to begin.
It started easy enough and I had the wall plate off quickly. "I’m on a roll," I thought as the cocky meter went up a few notches. I pulled out the old light switch and stared at the wires protruding from it. Then I glanced at the instructions and at their diagram. Then back at the real light switch wires. Then back to the instructions. Then to the book. Then to the instructions. Then to the light switch. The quick head movements left me dizzy and I hit the floor realizing I was stuck. None of the images looked the same and I was not sure where to even begin. So I did the only reasonable thing I could think of…I went upstairs for a Coke!
Once I had some of the sweetest nectar on earth I went back at it. There were more wires in the light switch then there were suppose to be and that threw me off for a bit, but I slowly started to figure it out. I finally figured out which were the two main wires and why there was that extra one and got the old light fixture off. Then I had the simple task of stripping the wires so I could connect them to the switch. Easy enough I figured since I had this tool they call a wire stripper. I clasped the tool around the wire and let go to watch the show. Nothing happened. Ah, I knew the problem. I went to the stereo, turned on some dance music and sat back to watch. Still nothing. Ah, whatever, so much for a wire stripper. I guess you have to help it out. Now I have seen some men use this tool before and it is very easy. Although their's must have been broken too because it wasn’t stripping on its own. They simply clasped the tool around the plastic surrounding the wire, pulled, and the plastic came off. Easy enough I figured. So I clasped the tool around the plastic wire, pulled, and…nothing. The plastic wouldn’t come off. I tried again. Nothing. What the! I finally had to pull out my exacto knife and slowly cut the plastic off the wire which took forever, but finally the wire was stripped and ready to be attached.
Inch by inch I slowly moved my hand towards the light socket wire and was ready to connect the two. It was easier then I thought and I was able to twist them together and put on the little protector thingy. That was simple I thought. I grabbed the next wire and grabbed the wire from the wall to twist them together and it was easy. Wow this was easy. I sniffed the air like a man who was in total control and reached in to the light socket to see what wires were left. The next thing I knew my finger felt like a lightening bolt and I was on my back staring at the ceiling. As I staggered back to my feet I realized that the wires from the other light switch in the same socket (it was a dual light switch) were still live. I won’t forget that again.
A couple months ago Shiela and I cleaned up our basement and so now we can actually go down there and hang out if we wanted. But I wasn't satisfied with just that and I wanted to make it even better…so I decided to add a dimmer switch.
So I got started. First things first, I pulled out my handy dandy Home Depot Guide that helps people like me do regular handyman things around the house. I flipped the book open to the “How to install a dimmer switch” and began this very simple task. It looked very simple and according to the book a beginner should take 45 minutes to complete this task. I’m a beginner, I told myself, and I can’t see it taking longer than that. Besides, the book tells you how to do it and I also had the instructions from the dimmer switch.
I finally had everything ready to go. I had the book open, the instructions laid out, my tools laid out and I was ready to go. I had mentioned this idea to a few friends and they assured me that I wouldn’t need to turn off the power. Knowing how my friends are I did the opposite and flicked the breaker and saw the lights go out. I was ready to begin.
It started easy enough and I had the wall plate off quickly. "I’m on a roll," I thought as the cocky meter went up a few notches. I pulled out the old light switch and stared at the wires protruding from it. Then I glanced at the instructions and at their diagram. Then back at the real light switch wires. Then back to the instructions. Then to the book. Then to the instructions. Then to the light switch. The quick head movements left me dizzy and I hit the floor realizing I was stuck. None of the images looked the same and I was not sure where to even begin. So I did the only reasonable thing I could think of…I went upstairs for a Coke!
Once I had some of the sweetest nectar on earth I went back at it. There were more wires in the light switch then there were suppose to be and that threw me off for a bit, but I slowly started to figure it out. I finally figured out which were the two main wires and why there was that extra one and got the old light fixture off. Then I had the simple task of stripping the wires so I could connect them to the switch. Easy enough I figured since I had this tool they call a wire stripper. I clasped the tool around the wire and let go to watch the show. Nothing happened. Ah, I knew the problem. I went to the stereo, turned on some dance music and sat back to watch. Still nothing. Ah, whatever, so much for a wire stripper. I guess you have to help it out. Now I have seen some men use this tool before and it is very easy. Although their's must have been broken too because it wasn’t stripping on its own. They simply clasped the tool around the plastic surrounding the wire, pulled, and the plastic came off. Easy enough I figured. So I clasped the tool around the plastic wire, pulled, and…nothing. The plastic wouldn’t come off. I tried again. Nothing. What the! I finally had to pull out my exacto knife and slowly cut the plastic off the wire which took forever, but finally the wire was stripped and ready to be attached.
Inch by inch I slowly moved my hand towards the light socket wire and was ready to connect the two. It was easier then I thought and I was able to twist them together and put on the little protector thingy. That was simple I thought. I grabbed the next wire and grabbed the wire from the wall to twist them together and it was easy. Wow this was easy. I sniffed the air like a man who was in total control and reached in to the light socket to see what wires were left. The next thing I knew my finger felt like a lightening bolt and I was on my back staring at the ceiling. As I staggered back to my feet I realized that the wires from the other light switch in the same socket (it was a dual light switch) were still live. I won’t forget that again.
Finally, after only 3 hours and 12 minutes of total working time over the course of 36 hours, I had the dimmer switch installed. I was excited and couldn’t wait to try it out. I went to the breaker box and flicked the switch that had been off for the last 36 hours. As the switch flicked on, the first thing I heard was a motor starting up again. "What did I install?" I thought to myself. But then the noise got louder and I looked to my left. Low and behold, there was our upright freezer that had once again started running now that I had turned the breaker back on. My heart dropped as I realized I had turned off the power to the freezer at the same time as the light switch and hadn’t noticed! I dropped to my knees imagining the steaks starting to moo again as they slowly came back to life from being frozen. But I figured I had enough adventure for one day and as I heard the mooing of the cattle behind me I turned off my newly installed and working perfectly dimmer switch, walked up the stairs, and went to the computer to inform the writers of the Home Depot book that they needed a new category for people like me called “Don’t Have a Stinkin’ Clue.”
No comments:
Post a Comment