The Suicide Attempt

Work lately has been quite stressful for me and I often wonder how much more I can take. That combined with the recent snowfall when it is suppose to be spring and the fact that we went out to eat and they only served Pepsi made me realize that life is hard. So I decided it was time for drastic measures and maybe life just wasn't worth the trouble.

So Saturday morning I went downstairs for the final time, put on my sunglasses, shoes, IPOD and Coca-Cola toque and got into my car for what I thought may be the final time. I ended up a the Broadway Roastery, parked my car and went to sit on the bench outside to contemplate what I was about to do. It wasn't long before some people came along that I knew. They stood around me talking like they didn't know the severity of the situation. They were laughing and joking while I sat there trying to stay mentally focused for the task at hand. Then the time had come, I stood up, turned on my IPOD for the final time and....off we went for what would be the longest (and possibly last) run of my entire life.


I am planning on running the 10K this year at the Saskatchewan Marathon on May 25. I have been running a little bit here and there but due to the cold weather I took the entire week off. That apparently was a mistake because some people at church have a running group and invited me to join them this last Saturday. I took them up on the offer and then asked what I thought was a simple question, not realizing how it may ultimately effect my life, "How far are we running?". "Oh, just the Broadway bridge to Circle Drive bridge loop," came the casual retort. They may have well have been planning to run across Canada because either way I realized this may be the final run of life.


As the suicide attempt began that Saturday morning things were going well. I usually run a pace of 6min/km...no gazelle that's for sure but no sloth either (at least not a sleeping one). The four of us were running along and things were fine. I couldn't talk while I ran because I needed every ounce of breath possible just to stop my lungs from seizing up. It wasn't long before we hit the University bridge. 1 bridge down 2 to go. Then as continued we hit the train bridge. 2 bridges down 1 to go. Then I looked into the distance and luckily I had my binoculars with me because otherwise there was no way I could have seen the other bridge it appeared that far away. As I kept trudging along I noticed how the other three people in the group were slowly pulling away from me as either my pace was slowing down or they were just getting into their regular running rhythm.


After what seemed like an eternity my foot hit solid ground on the Circle Drive bridge and we all stopped to walk across. Then someone asked me, "Sheldon, do you need a stretch break?" Hmmm...a stretch break. My entire body already felt like it was going to break and the last thing I needed was to help it out by trying to pull my limbs apart on purpose! "I just need an ambulance," came my reply. That got a few chuckles and apparently they thought I was joking. But before I could insist we had walked across the bridge and they were off running again.


At this point right now I had run further than any other training runs I had done in the past. The only time I had ever run further in my entire life was the previous year at the 10K run at the Saskatchewan Marathon where I nearly collapsed at the end I was so tired. The worst part was, we were in the middle of no where. Circle Drive bridge is on the far north end of town and the only way back to civilization is to run back the way you came. So although my body was screaming at me to call a taxi, the only option was to keep going.


The last 46 minutes is all a blur. The other three members of our team had run ahead as I had told them not to worry about me and that I knew where we were going. They were kind enough to offer that they would occassionally look back to ensure I was still moving. As I plodded along my pace was getting slower and slower. My legs felt like they were seizing up. My lungs were complaining that there wasn't enough oxygen. Everything in my body pleaded for me to not end my life by completing this run. But I plunged on.


Finally the Broadway bridge was there and I was on the last leg of the journey. I rounded up onto the bridge and suddenly realized that with absolutely no energy left I had to run this entire bridge and it was all uphill! I pushed on with the speed of a turtle and just when I thought I had nothing left I saw the rest of the group lying on the grass at the finish area. I jogged up to them and asked if anyone wanted to go for another lap...luckily they had to get going. As I lay there filling my lungs with oxygen, massaging my sore legs, and being thankful that I hadn't actually died during that 10K run, I nearly had a heart attack when I heard someone say "So we'll see you here next week?"