I'm a big fan of sports. I love getting out onto the soccer pitch and kicking the ball, scoring goals and getting sweaty. I love basketball with the low hanging shorts and trash talking my opponent even if 9 times out of 10 he's better than me. But when it comes to swimming, I just don't get it.
The problem with swimming starts long before you actually get into the pool. For most sports you are part of a team and you sit around the locker room or field, strap on the equipment and protection and then after a group chant and a manly group hug you run onto the field/court. Swimming is just the opposite. Good chance if you are a swimmer you are an individual (yeah, I know they call them 'swim teams', but seriously, you are on your own). Then, instead of strapping on a uniform and protection, you strip down to the least amount of clothing possible without getting arrested for public nudity and once you have shaved your legs and probably head, you venture out in front of the large crowd of people more exposed than an underwear model. If they rated swim meets like they do movies it would have to be at least PG-13 due the uniform alone.
The second problem is that swimming is the only sport I know of where, aside from injury, just participating in the sport could kill you. You can venture out and play soccer, basketball or any other sport and even if you are really bad you won't die. With swimming, if you don't perform the technique correctly you will sink and drown. You never really hear of people getting together for a pick up game of swimming. That's because most people don't invite their friends out to enjoy a possible death activity. Yeah, I know you can just stay in the shallow end, but seriously how much fun is that? It's like playing slowpitch with someone and you just stick them way out in right field because you know the ball is never going to go there.
If you do manage to get through the humiliation of wearing nothing short of bikini briefs in front of all your friends and family and actually manage to survive while doing the 100 metre breast stroke, the worst part of swimming is still to come...changing. This is absolutely the worst part of swimming. You walk into the change room dripping wet and head to your locker. Hopefully you have a combination lock because if you have a key for the lock I have no idea where you put that on your uniform! Then you pull out your towel and head to the shower.
The showering itself is a whole new thing. Many people treat these public showers like they are at home and just strip right down to nothing when they jump in (not that there is really much left to the imagination anyway). I want to be sure I fit in so I usually just follow suit. The problem is I don't think I know the rules for showering in these facilities. I mean, I know the main ones like if you drop the soap, just let it go man. But what are the other rules? First, what do you call this type of shower facility with many showers together in one open room? Group showers? Gang showers? No matter what you call it, when you try to describe for someone the type of shower it is they are going to start laughing and think you are a pervert. Second, are you suppose to face the wall or the middle of the room? I get tired staring at the wall while showering but turning around seems to be a little too wrong for me too. Third, which shower do you take? If there are a couple other people in there already how do you know which shower to go to? Do you take one right next to another guy or does there have to be at least one shower space between? And finally, are you allowed to talk to the other guys taking showers...and if you do talk to them do you actually look at them or just talk over your shoulder as you stare at the wall?
Once you survive the shower you now have to try to dry off and get dressed. This itself makes no logical sense. There is an inch of water all over the entire change room floor and somehow you are suppose to get out the front door without getting wet. Mission: Impossible. Getting dried off is not too hard and then the towel is wrapped around the waist. Although everyone was just showering together with nothing on, the rules seem to be that now for some reason you have to ensure that no one sees you naked. So with the towel around your waist you have to slip on your underwear without over exposing yourself. The shirt is easy and goes on no problem. Then it gets more difficult. Pulling on your pants is tough as they always seem to hit the floor at some point and are now wet. Then you have to put on your socks. Once the socks are on you have to hold them up in the air while you carefully put each foot into a shoe so you don't get your socks soaked. I don't think I've ever managed to do all those things without getting wet.
Now you have your final problem. Unlike most sports where you can just throw your uniform and equipment into the gym bag until next time, with swimming you must carry all this wet clothing home, hang it up in the bathroom to dry and then eventually pack it back up for another time. It just takes so...much...time. Finally, the ordeal is over and you can relax. As much "fun" as swimming is, it really isn't worth dying for.
The problem with swimming starts long before you actually get into the pool. For most sports you are part of a team and you sit around the locker room or field, strap on the equipment and protection and then after a group chant and a manly group hug you run onto the field/court. Swimming is just the opposite. Good chance if you are a swimmer you are an individual (yeah, I know they call them 'swim teams', but seriously, you are on your own). Then, instead of strapping on a uniform and protection, you strip down to the least amount of clothing possible without getting arrested for public nudity and once you have shaved your legs and probably head, you venture out in front of the large crowd of people more exposed than an underwear model. If they rated swim meets like they do movies it would have to be at least PG-13 due the uniform alone.
The second problem is that swimming is the only sport I know of where, aside from injury, just participating in the sport could kill you. You can venture out and play soccer, basketball or any other sport and even if you are really bad you won't die. With swimming, if you don't perform the technique correctly you will sink and drown. You never really hear of people getting together for a pick up game of swimming. That's because most people don't invite their friends out to enjoy a possible death activity. Yeah, I know you can just stay in the shallow end, but seriously how much fun is that? It's like playing slowpitch with someone and you just stick them way out in right field because you know the ball is never going to go there.
If you do manage to get through the humiliation of wearing nothing short of bikini briefs in front of all your friends and family and actually manage to survive while doing the 100 metre breast stroke, the worst part of swimming is still to come...changing. This is absolutely the worst part of swimming. You walk into the change room dripping wet and head to your locker. Hopefully you have a combination lock because if you have a key for the lock I have no idea where you put that on your uniform! Then you pull out your towel and head to the shower.
The showering itself is a whole new thing. Many people treat these public showers like they are at home and just strip right down to nothing when they jump in (not that there is really much left to the imagination anyway). I want to be sure I fit in so I usually just follow suit. The problem is I don't think I know the rules for showering in these facilities. I mean, I know the main ones like if you drop the soap, just let it go man. But what are the other rules? First, what do you call this type of shower facility with many showers together in one open room? Group showers? Gang showers? No matter what you call it, when you try to describe for someone the type of shower it is they are going to start laughing and think you are a pervert. Second, are you suppose to face the wall or the middle of the room? I get tired staring at the wall while showering but turning around seems to be a little too wrong for me too. Third, which shower do you take? If there are a couple other people in there already how do you know which shower to go to? Do you take one right next to another guy or does there have to be at least one shower space between? And finally, are you allowed to talk to the other guys taking showers...and if you do talk to them do you actually look at them or just talk over your shoulder as you stare at the wall?
Once you survive the shower you now have to try to dry off and get dressed. This itself makes no logical sense. There is an inch of water all over the entire change room floor and somehow you are suppose to get out the front door without getting wet. Mission: Impossible. Getting dried off is not too hard and then the towel is wrapped around the waist. Although everyone was just showering together with nothing on, the rules seem to be that now for some reason you have to ensure that no one sees you naked. So with the towel around your waist you have to slip on your underwear without over exposing yourself. The shirt is easy and goes on no problem. Then it gets more difficult. Pulling on your pants is tough as they always seem to hit the floor at some point and are now wet. Then you have to put on your socks. Once the socks are on you have to hold them up in the air while you carefully put each foot into a shoe so you don't get your socks soaked. I don't think I've ever managed to do all those things without getting wet.
Now you have your final problem. Unlike most sports where you can just throw your uniform and equipment into the gym bag until next time, with swimming you must carry all this wet clothing home, hang it up in the bathroom to dry and then eventually pack it back up for another time. It just takes so...much...time. Finally, the ordeal is over and you can relax. As much "fun" as swimming is, it really isn't worth dying for.
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